Why poetry, why
Why did I start writing poetry? A choice I made when I was just a young thing, and never questioned afterwards. Until today.
I was reading this article by Doc on common writer mistakes (like spending time sharing self deprecating memes instead of actually writing), and then my cat sighed when I was somewhere mid way through it. As my focus was pulled out of the article and back into the practical reality, it lead me to a realisation. Something that I should have known about myself, but in a stupid meta way I didn't because that's the whole point of it.
Do you know why I started writing poetry as a teenager?
Because I didn't know how to talk about the stuff that was happening inside me. I don't even want to use the word "feelings" as it wasn't just that. I didn't know how to talk about the things I was *thinking*, let alone feeling.
I was born and grew up in a complicated place during complicated times. Not saying things was a common survival technique. Politically and socially.
But as a new human being on this planet, I had to cope somehow. Even more - I had to figure shit out. So, I read. I read a lot. I read books given to me, books I found, books that were being hid from me. Anything with words in it (which includes a book on preserving fruit, and let me tell you, it was a bit of a downer as far as expectations about cool stories with cherries go).
I tried writing my own stories. But I wasn't ready for that yet.
So, I kept reading and it worked. I was starting to see and realise that human non-tangible inside stuff. But the more I read, the more I felt the need to also get to know my own self. Who am I? What kind of a person am I? What do I like?
Amongst the books I had devoured were also plays and poetry collections. For some reason I decided to try and write a line. Followed by a different line, not necessarily logically and chronologically related to the first one.
Before I knew it, I was buying more and more notebooks. Turns out that there was (and still is) a lot to process in lines, verses, and free form formatting or all those words. Not explaining myself, but sorting my more elusive shit in a way it makes sense to me.
Not having to coherently and logically explain and prove my arguments stated was the relief I found in writing poetry.
All the things I never learnt to talk about, all the observations about the world that I don't know how to voice, secret thoughts, unexpected feelings, reasons for my anger, all of that goes in the poems that I can't stop writing.
And as far stories go, I'm learning to write those, too.